


The Start Of Something New

by eleuther



Series: Dear Friends [4]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: :), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But he loves his boys, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecure Ben, Multi, Well - Freeform, and his boys love him, bens still a little conflicted, semi-happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 20:16:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19092364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleuther/pseuds/eleuther
Summary: As filming comes to a close Ben notices a shift on set. He seems to think that they're shifting without him. He's wrong.





	The Start Of Something New

**Author's Note:**

> hello! as usual, some referenced child abuse. nothing too heavy. bens just really emotional and kinda acting stupid, but can you blame him? anyway, please enjoy!!

**January 2018**

The shift on set became noticeable the closer they got to the end of filming. Joe was clingier with all of them, but especially Ben which made him more hopeful that maybe they wouldn’t all leave him when this was over. And Gwil was constantly asking him over, both as a group and just the two of them which was nice too. Rami was the ever constant presence that made him feel heard, made him feel like they all cared. 

It was a shift in the direction he always hoped they would go. 

So when Joe told him about the crush he had on Gwil and Rami, he felt his heart fall into a million pieces. Things were shifting all right, just without him. He didn’t get to be a part of the change. 

He wasn’t that lucky.

When he heard those words and the following explanation he nodded in all the right places and smiled when it felt right, but his mind was racing with an excuse to get out of there because he wasn’t sure he could take it if he learned they all loved each other and not him too. 

When he thought they were all straight, or at least not into each other, he had been okay with letting them go. If he has to watch them together he isn’t sure he’ll survive. 

Ben finally gets let off the hook when his phone starts ringing with a call from his mother. 

 

The pain he feels when he sees the three of them completely draped over each other at the wrap party is unmatchable. He watches as they laugh and enjoy each other and thinks that he’d rather take a million punches from his father again than see this.

(He wouldn’t really, but part of him thinks it would hurt less.)

He stays just as long as he has to and avoids them for the evening, choosing instead to make casual conversation with Brian and Roger and hope they won’t notice or mention the boys’ behavior or the hurt look on his face. 

He takes an uber back to his apartment as soon as he can and pulls out his phone to see a bunch of questions on where he went, and then a bunch of photos of the three of them not long afterward.

_Well_ , Ben thinks. _They didn’t worry about his whereabouts for very long._

He isn’t sure he really believes himself when he says he’ll be fine.

 

The next morning - or afternoon, as his phone reads 2:34 when he checks - he wakes to multiple bangs on his front door and some muted threats about breaking the door down if he doesn’t answer soon. When he checks his phone again he sees he has over forty messages from the group chat and thinks that maybe he should let them know he’s okay.

When he opens his door, most definitely looking a bit disheveled, he sees three worried pairs of eyes and is tackled by a nearly crying Joe. 

“You weren’t answering any of us and you left really early last night and we thought you -” he stopped himself, burying tighter into Ben’s chest.

“We thought something might have happened,” Gwil finished. He looks tired, which makes him both worried and jealous.

Ben looks at the two men across from him, and then down at Joe, and suddenly feels so guilty for doing this to them. He feels tears in the corner of his eyes and wraps himself around Joe, hoping to get control of his emotions before he has to speak again. 

Of course Rami, ever so observant, notices immediately; “What’s wrong Ben?” 

He sighs deeply, before pulling himself away from Joe. 

“I just - I’m sorry. For making you all worry, for making you think the worst because of - because of what’s happened to me,” He pauses, choosing his next words carefully. He figures he shouldn’t tell them about his feelings, because the last thing he wants is for them to feel guilty about whatever is going on between them. 

Ben was never very good at listening to logic, and he was feeling pretty courageous in his recently-awoken mind.

“I’m in love with you all.”

He can practically feel the air get sucked out of the room. He bites his lip and wonders at how quickly courage can disappear. He slowly turns to walk into his kitchen; he doesn’t want to watch them leave. 

He finally lets the tears he’d been holding back fall as he stands in front of his sink, hands gripping the edge like it’s the only thing holding him up. It probably is. He bites his lip harder to keep sobs from pouring out of his mouth; he hadn’t heard the door shut yet, so he thinks their probably still standing in shock. He’s too cowardly to check.

Ben stands there for a few more moments, collecting himself before turning to his coffee machine. He needs to call his agent, find some new project to work on, a new role so that he can get stuck on another set with another group of cast members and have to miss the press tour. He’ll have to keep his distance from them, lest he falls even more.

He isn’t sure how long it’s been when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He jumps at the contact but can’t bring himself to turn and look at whoever it is.

(It’s Gwil, he can tell because his hands are so much bigger than Rami’s or Joe’s, and his presence has always been so obvious.)

“Ben?” Gwil’s voice is unbelievably soft and he wants to melt into him. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Ben shrugged his shoulders.

“How was I supposed to? For a while, I didn’t think any of you even liked guys so I tried to let it go. And then Joe told me he how much he liked you two -, not me, but you guys - and I knew I couldn’t just add myself in with you. I couldn’t do that to you three,” he paused, before whispering, “you all deserve so much better.”

The silence that followed was a more common occurrence as of late, usually following something unintentionally dark he would say. Normally he didn’t mind as much. He hated it right now.

“Look. If you all are gonna just - just stand there and - and stare and wait for me to take it back you’re going to be there for a while. I can’t take it back. So, I’m sorry if I ruined our friendship and whatever you three have going on. But. Yeah. Sorry.” Ben let his words sink in before attempting to walk away again. Gwil caught his arm and pulled him back, wrapping his arms tightly around Ben’s shaking form. 

“Ben I need you to listen.” He pauses. “Are you listening to me?”

He continues once he feels Ben nod. “When the three of us first talked about getting together, one of our first thoughts was how we would get you on board. Ever since you told us about your dad we knew we had to be careful -”

 

“I don’t want you all to be careful! I’m not going to break -”

 

“Listen, Ben! Let me finish, love, please. We knew we had to be careful, because when we first talked about it - this - it hadn’t been long since you told us. We didn’t want you to think we were taking advantage of your emotional state. You haven’t seemed really okay for a while. We needed to make sure you were capable of making a decision like this before committing to a four-way relationship.” 

Ben pulled away from him and turned to look at the other two. They both looked vaguely guilty. He looked back at Gwil.

“But - but Joe. He said -”

“I was trying to see how you would feel about it. You seemed a bit uncomfortable so I left it at that, though I guess that was more of a broken heart.” Joe looked a bit sheepish. “I guess I could have gone about that a bit better.” 

“Yeah, ya think?” Rami replied. 

Ben looked between the three of them again, trying to decipher whether this was really happening or if they were fucking with him. 

“We wanna try this with you, Ben, if you do too.” 

Ben is ashamed to admit how fast he nodded. Joe’s smile was blinding as he launched across the room to hug him. 

That night they laid in Ben’s bed, curled around each other. Ben stayed awake for hours, thinking of the incredible luck he suddenly had. He looked at the three men around him and smiled lightly. 

His smile vanishes when the lingering thought in the back of his mind of how long this might really last pops up. 

Joe seems to sense his distress and curls closer to him. Ben wraps an arm around his shoulder and curls his fingers into his hair. 

The thought that this might be a pity relationship does pop through his mind as well. He is sure they love each other but really, where does he fit? It all happened so suddenly for his anxiety-ridden mind to really process the fact that they might love him. Whatever the case, Ben figured he should be grateful that they let him into their relationship at all and that he should take what he gets.

**Author's Note:**

> please leave comments and kudos i need validation !!!


End file.
